You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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