I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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