So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
