I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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