Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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