I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
