is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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