i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
