The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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