I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
