she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
