this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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