note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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