somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
