i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Say something about gay babies.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
