Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
