man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
