His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
