I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
