I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
