My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
