I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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