If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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