And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
