Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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