tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize