i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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