hotel room ftw
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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