I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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