Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
