is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
