"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
