I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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