i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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