Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How naked do you want me to be?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
