Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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