And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize