Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
