i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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