I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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