Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
