So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize