Define "chronic" masturbator.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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