who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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