Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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