we have officially lost it.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
