We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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