so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize