he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
