I got chris browned last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
