Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
