If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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