I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
