some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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