she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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