3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
