my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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