I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
