you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
