I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
