I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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