she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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