Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
