That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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