We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
