Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sober January is a disaster.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
