this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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