Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize