Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
