Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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