i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As shirtless as possible
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
