Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
