After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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