Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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