Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize