The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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