new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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