So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
