i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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