we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
