there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
