He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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