I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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