paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
