dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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