I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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