He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
