You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
