Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
