meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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