Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
