im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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