Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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