Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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