I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
