i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
