Plan B is the new Plan A
babies were throwing up all over the place
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
